Volume 6 : Book Review for Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
This relatively short (239 pages) paperback book is a must read for all parents! It is a well written book with many ‘real-life’ examples in order to help parents relate to the text.
You have heard of “intelligence” before, but have you heard of “emotional intelligence?” One line that hit home for me was, “…love by itself wasn’t enough”. Many parents believe that if they care for and love their child that they will grow up in a manner that they believe is successful. This book addresses the fact that in order for this to happen, a child must learn how to come to terms with their emotions and learn how to direct their emotional energy into solving problems effectively. This book deals with how to deal with your child when emotions are at the fore front, both the child’s and adult’s emotions.
What counts are the words that we use during emotional times. Changing our wording ever so slightly can be all it takes to make a child feel respected, validated and acknowledged and provide them with the confidence that is needed in order to face the world.
Gottman talks about a term called, “Emotional Coaching” which involves 5 key steps (Chapter 3):
1) Being aware of the child’s emotions
2) Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
3) Listening empathetically and validating the child’s feelings
4) Helping the child verbally label emotions
5) Setting limits while helping the child problem solve
After reading this chapter numerous times, I now feel like I understand what it truly means to be empathetic to my child and to help her work through her emotions productively.
I highly recommend this book to every parent. I truly believe that after reading this book, all parents will feel empowered and equipped with the knowledge to assist their children through their emotions in a productive manner.
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